The critics have spoken.
Still making up your mind about whether to see 50 Shades of Grey? We’ve done a round-up of the reviews to help you decide. Just call us Barry Norman.
50 Shades has launched and whether for sheer nosiness, or just to sneak a peak at Jamie Dornan’s beautifully pert bottom, women (and possibly their dragged-along other halves) have been flocking to clap eyes on Christian Grey. Defying the critics to give global box office records a good spanking (sorry couldn’t resist), 50 shades tied up (OK we’ll stop with the S&M metaphors now) a spot as the most successful opening night for an 18 certificate, with a total of £4.6 million people going to see it.
But if you’re still not sure if it’s your kinda thang, or you want to see what the bods in the know say before you commit to spending a tenner’s worth (not to mention the 2 hours 5 minutes you won’t get back), we’ve waded our way through the reviews so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.
Richard Lawson, Vanity Fair
Fifty Shades of Grey is not the lame, hot-and-bothered fantasy romance many, including myself, thought it would be. It’s got wit and humor and a modest intelligence about human behavior that, say, the Twilight movies never had. And there’s something almost sweetly nostalgic about it.
David Ehrlich in Time Out New York
By the time the movie ends just a few mild spankings later, Fifty Shades feels like going on a trip to Disney World and only riding the monorail. But Sam Taylor-Johnson’s film becomes fascinating for the finesse with which she navigates the prudishness forced upon it. The director is capable of pivoting from romantic comedy to erotic drama at the whack of a flogger.
Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News
‘Credit goes to director Sam Taylor-Johnson and her screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, who’ve stripped the first book of its biggest flaws, while still honoring its essence. And lead Dakota Johnson makes for an ideal heroine, though — as doubters feared — her chemistry with costar Jamie Dornan doesn’t always sizzle.’
Sheri Linden, Hollywood Reporter
“A stronger proposition than the book because it strips away the oodles of cringe-inducing descriptions and internal monologue that tip the text heavily toward self-parody.”
And don’t forget Kim Kardashian
who absolutely loved it, tweeting “Omg it’s soooooo good!” from a private screening she was enjoying with her girl friends.
Tim Robey, The Telegraph
The lead performances and sleek style choices sell it almost irresistibly to the target audience, but the film has the confidence to end bruisingly unresolved, with the structural equivalent of a slap in the face.
Josh Dickey, Mashable
You walk out sort of wondering if you missed something. Wasn’t this supposed to be, you know, the sex movie? Wasn’t it supposed to be kind of terrible, but at least, you know, gulp, super hot? Instead, it’s just kind of an above-average and brooding “love” story, not campy or clumsy enough to be so-bad-it’s-good, not quite stylish or sizzling or steamy enough to overcome its atrocious source material.”
Sara Stewart, New York Post
Gone are the truly dreadful aspects of the book, and the biggest surprise may be that Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Grey have developed senses of humor. Still, the film never pretends to be other than what it really is: soft-core porn for the ladies, diluted with an “R” rating.
A.O. Scott, The New York Times
Fifty Shades of Grey might not be a good movie — O.K., it’s a terrible movie — but it might nonetheless be a movie that feels good to see, whether you squirm or giggle or roll your eyes or just sit still and take your punishment.
And the downright ugly…
Claudia Puig, USA Today
Those looking for hot, kinky sex will be disappointed. Fewer than 15 of the movie’s 125 minutes feature sex scenes. Discussion of contracts and objections over line items outweigh erotica. Even the graphic nudity grows numbing.
Peter Bradshaw The Guardian
Fifty Shades of Grey is “the most purely tasteful and soft-core depiction of sado-masochism in cinema history. This is a movie about submitting to erotic chastisement by a handsome man who plays Chopin on his grand piano and sips chardonnay from long-stemmed glassware. He is extremely rich. Because there’s nothing sexy about spanking if he’s skint. But rest assured — it’s not just about spanking. Before the pervery commences, our hero lowers his trousers and undergarments and in a more conventional sense does to the female lead what Ms James did to the book trade and what Sam Taylor-Johnson does to your chances of seeing an actual penis.
Over to you……