'I hated myself for being depressed, I hated feeling depressed, I hated feeling.'
Words – Christina Pellegrini
From the editors of HelloGiggles
On the outside, it seems that Cara Delevingne has a perfect life. She’s a wildly successful model, actress, and now author. But things aren’t always as they appear. In a recent interview with Net-a-Porter’s The Edit, Delevingne opened up about her past depression and suicidal thoughts.
It’s impossible to know what depression looks like. No matter how good things look from the outside, you can’t tell if someone is suffering on the inside. And it’s more common than you might think. As many as 350 million people struggle with some form of depression, and it doesn’t discriminate.
Delevingne bravely opened up about her struggle.
The actress heartbreakingly said that her depression often devolved into self-loathing.
‘I hated myself for being depressed, I hated feeling depressed, I hated feeling. I was very good at disassociating myself from emotion completely. And all the time I was second-guessing myself, saying something and then hating myself for saying it,’ Delevingne told The Edit.
‘I didn’t understand what was happening apart from the fact that I didn’t want to be alive anymore.’
A lot of it stemmed from her childhood, a time when she felt ‘weird or different’.
‘I wish I could have given myself a hug. I wish I’d known that I was still in there somewhere, that I wasn’t my own worst enemy, that I wasn’t trapped. That if you can hold on for dear life — because being a teenager can feel like you’re on a rollercoaster to hell, that’s what it honestly felt like to me — you can get through it. Time moves on, feelings pass, it does get better.’
These emotions are something that are delved into in Cara Delevingne’s novel, Mirror, Mirror, and it’s about four teenagers that don’t quite fit in.
Thankfully, Delevingne worked through the worst parts of her depression.
She said: ‘I relied too much on love, too much on other people to make me happy, and I needed to learn to be happy by myself. So now I can be by myself, I can be happy. It took me a long time.’
We’re happy to hear that Delevingne has made so much progress in finding inner happiness. Hopefully, anyone who might be struggling with these same feelings might find some relief through her book.