My name is Lucy Robinson.
Here are some key facts about me.
1. I am a matter of months away from turning 30 and I am single.
2. I spend a lot of time telling people that I am absolutely fine about this.
3. I am by no means fine about this.
4. An official manhunt is thereby announced.
5. For reasons various, I have decided to apply a loosely Rules-centric approach to said manhunt.
If you have not read The Rules, that mid-90s narrative-of-madness, I suggest you do. I should declare right now that I am by no means a devoted fan of their philosophy. Large tracts of the book are completely insane. What kind of plank puts lipstick on to go jogging, for crying out loud? Do you think a splodge of fuscia pink is going to make your shiny red face suddenly seem lovely to a passing fittie? Will it compensate for your beefy legs and wildly mobile bosom? No, of course not. Don’t be absurd.
Nevertheless. Concealed within its feminism-destroying nuttiness, you will find pockets of extremely good advice. Basic dating principles: never chase a man, be warm and flirty but just not too available, no needless phonecalls – there is some sound common sense here. What they’re really getting at, in a rather sadistic way, is the importance of finding out if a man is prepared to fight for you. And you can only find that out by making him do all the work.
So I’m going to try it. I’m starting off with internet dating because I’ve got chuff-all idea who else to meet a man these days. I’ve written my online profile. I am primed; poised like a coiled hot-love spring, waiting for an email from some lovely handsome man who will soon be my husband. Sorry, I mean who I will ignore for a few days and then think about replying to.
Let the romance commence!
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A Dating Manifesto
By Lucy Robinson - Friday 4 September 2009
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