11 Of The Worst People To Meet On Public Transport

After hearing about the woman in Germany who lives on a public train, it got us thinking us about what it'd be like to live on one in the UK...

So it has come to our attention that a woman in Germany is living on a train because she became so fed up with renting and dealing with rude landlords. This seems like an extreme move, but we sympathise with her, after all with house and rent prices soaring in London and across the UK – a lot of us can’t afford to even move out, let alone rent a basement studio apartment in the city.

This got us thinking, would we get away with living on a train in the UK? A lot of them have free wifi now (even the tube), and although the toilets are completely disgusting most of the time, at least there are facilities. But then we remembered, if you had to live on a train in the UK, you’d have to encounter the sort of people you hate to be in contact with on public transport…

1. The Hipster

The guy that has the overly long beard, holey jumper and smells like he hasn’t washed in a while. He’s usually reading some sort of French crime novel which makes it particularly annoying if you’re standing and attempting to read over his shoulder – why can’t you grab a free paper for us to nose at?

2. The DJ

The person who thinks their music is so good that everyone in the carriage has to listen to it. Normally you can only the hear the loud muffles through their headphones, other times they’re just playing it out loud…

3. The Unnecessary Eater

The person who decides the best time to eat a smelly Cornish pasty is when they’re wedged between two unsuspecting work commuters on the rush hour 17.43 from Charing Cross. Sometimes if you’re lucky you get a whole family of Macdonald’s eaters…

4. The Tourist

I know I shouldn’t moan about tourists too much because they do wonders for our economy, but just imagine getting on the train after a long day’s work only to find the entire carriage has been taken over by screeching foreign exchange students.

5. The Tipsy One

The person that has had one too many drinks and has slumped asleep in the corner of the carriage. That’s if you’re lucky… sometimes they might start singing, or crying, or even worse, throw up – and most of the time you’re the one that has to nudge them awake at the last stop only for them to realise they needed to get off five stops before.

6. The Chatterbox

Don’t get us wrong, we’re as polite as the next person when it comes to talking to strangers but nothing feels as gutting as when you sit next to the chattiest person in the world… By the end of it you’ll know the name of her grandchildren and will be meeting up for a coffee next week!

7. The Show-Off

The bloke in the designer suit and Bluetooth headset manspreading in the middle of a six-seater, normally boasting about last night’s conquest, or the £500 bill he racked up at the bar over the weekend. He wants everyone to know his business and is normally spouting off something totally sexist… but of course you’re always too embarrassed to say something so just mutter profanities under your breath instead.

8. The Familiar One

You’re guaranteed to know a few of these, the same people that get the same train as you day in and day out, and sit in the same carriage as they know you’ll get nearer the exit that way. These people become so familiar you end up feeling the need to say hello to them when you see them, or you bump into each other in a social situation and suddenly can’t remember how you know one another.

9. The Trusting One

This normally happens on more long-haul train journeys, but we can never get our heads around the people that feel comfortable enough to ask a stranger to watch their stuff whilst they go to the loo, or visit the buffet carriage. Panic soon arises within us as we a) assume the worst and think they’re never going to come back or b) we’re going to be getting off before they return…

10. The Relaxer

The one who literally thinks they are in their own living room. They always have their feet up on the seats, or even worse, they assume their bag is more important than your bum and refuse to move said bag when it’s the last seat on the carriage.

11. The Couple

This final one can come in all forms. The couple that are so in love their basically romping in that secluded two seater at the back, or the couple that have decided to have a full on domestic because neither of them can decide what to have for dinner. Either way, we don’t need to, or want to, see that on our way home thanks!

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