A sex vlogger’s guide to modern sex

Hannah Witton talks sexting and masturbation

Words by Hannah Witton

There are three things that I think are essential to modern sex, your 101 Guide shall we say.

The first is, yes, masturbation. We’ve all heard the usual advice that masturbation is a great way to get to know your body, what you like, what you don’t like and that it will help when it comes to sex with a partner. That’s all true. But masturbation isn’t simply a tool to have better sex with someone else, it’s sex in itself.

Having a private sex life is important, even when you’re in a relationship. So don’t forget about it, masturbation can add to sex and sex can add to masturbation. The second thing is not treating sex as the penetrative end goal of a linear set of events. Sex doesn’t have to start with an erection and end in an ejaculation. There’s so much more to do and explore!

It’s not a video game where you have to complete a task to get to the next level. All the levels are up for negotiation with your partner from the beginning. Sex can be whatever you define it as – mutual masturbation, oral, penetration. There can be loads of orgasms or none.

It can last five minutes or five hours. You can get toys involved! If we think of the sex session as a more fluid, constantly re-definable experience instead of simply ‘arousal–>foreplay–>penetration–>orgasm’ we will all be having much better quality sex.

And the third thing is all about making the sex ‘modern’. And by this I mean taking advantage of the technology we have at our fingertips. It might not be for everyone but sexting can add a whole other element of eroticism to sex.

It can be as simple as telling someone you’re thinking about them in ​that​ way to full blown Skype sex. In a society that finds it difficult to communicate about sex with the people we are having sex with, using technology can be a great way to move past some of those barriers.

Send some erotic gifs of things you want to do, send teasing photos, there are even apps out there that can gamify sex and can add another layer of fun to your sexual activities.

These tips can extend your sexual horizon to include whatever you fancy and are comfortable with, so get exploring…

Hannah Witton is a leading sex and relationships YouTuber. Her debut book, Doing It is out now (Wren and Rook, £7.99). youtube.com/user/hannahgirasol

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