Tantric sex: Your need-to-know guide

Get ready to have the best sex EVER

Ask anyone about tantric sex and they’ll probably tell you the two following things. a) that it’s meant to be amazing and b) that they don’t actually have a clue what it involves. Sure, we’ve all heard the rumours about those steamy sessions which supposedly last for hours on end, but just how much of this is actually true? And if it is, how do we do it?

Here are the answers you’ve been waiting for…

What is tantric sex?

Believed to have originated in India over 5000 years, Tantra is a combination of spirituality and sexuality that lead to enlightenment.
And while it can give you mind-blowing orgasms, this isn’t actually what it’s all about. ‘Tantra is the union of sex, heart and spirit, bringing all of these into not just our sexual experiences but into our life,’ explains sex coach Sarah Rose Bright. ‘It invites us be really conscious about who and how we are as a sexual being.’ But of course the improved sex is a part of this as together, sex and orgasm are believed to equate to the highest level of spiritual awareness.

So, how do I have tantric sex?

Tantra takes time to master, but you know what they say – practice makes perfect. Here are three simple tips for beginners from tantric experts.

1. Make eye contact

Yes, it might sound a bit cringe, but gazing into each other’s eyes is one of the easiest ways of upping the sexual ante.

Start by sitting face-to-face in your partners lap with your eyes closed. Relax your breathing and start rocking towards each other with every inhalation and back on every exhalation. Once you’ve found your rhythm, begin clenching and unclenching your pelvic floor muscles to match your breathing.

Now open your eyes and stare into your partners. Sure, you might feel a bit stupid at first but if you stick with it, it’ll help you fall in love with each other all over again. ‘It can be the most intimate thing to connect with our eyes and just be in the presence of each other and to see each other in our nakedness without feeling the need to perform,’ explains Sarah Rose Bright. ‘And when we connect with our eyes it cultivates a deeper connection and presence.’

2. Go in for a kiss

As you’re rocking, try to coordinate your breathing so that you’re inhaling as your partner exhales. Now that you’re sharing each breath, kiss each other and visualise how you are sharing all of yourself with your partner. ‘Connect your lips and have a moment in stillness, feel that first contact and the energy between you there,’ advises tantric sex teacher Alexey Kuzmin. It’ll make those kisses so much more intense.

3. Try a simple touch

As we said, tantric sex isn’t all about orgasm, it’s about exploring your sensuality through an erotic build up. Touching and teasing is key, with a focus on making every touch count.

The secret to this is the intention behind it. When you’re busy and stressed, it’s hard to focus on the moment rather than an issue at work/the chores you need to do/the birthday card you need to send. But your partner will sense if you’re distracted and your touch will feel vacant.

So when you start a session, make a concerted effort to clear your mind. ‘Place all of your attention on the pleasure in the here and now,’ advises Sarah Rose Bright. ‘If you find your mind wondering, gently bring your attention back to your pleasure. Rather than pushing to build the arousal, enjoy the natural ebb and flow of arousal. Simply being with it allows your body’s innate wisdom to spring forth. You begin to connect to the sensations in your body in a different way, immersing yourself in the depths of your pleasure.’

If you’re still looking to spice up your sex life, then why not try give one of these best sex toys for couples a try?

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