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Q

My boyfriend of four years is really fun except when it comes to the bedroom. I know sex is meant to be intense, but it’s starting to make me feel awkward. How can I get him to relax about it all?
Marie Claire reader

A

Think of Newton’s law of motion: ‘For every action there is always an opposite and equal reaction’. Does the fact that your boyfriend takes sex so seriously make you fool around, or is approach making your boyfriend take sex very seriously? You’ll never know unless you sit him down and get to the bottom of it.

Relationships are an imperfect science, but research shows that the keys to success are negotiation and conflict resolution. That might happen outside the bedroom, but it has a direct impact on what goes on in there. I suspect that when you talk to each other, you’ll find he just doesn’t like being distracted during sex. He gets turned on by going into is own zone, and your jokey banter interferes with his concentration. He likes what he likes and you like what you like – that’s life.

 But it’s more fulfilling to find a to make sex work for you both. Silent sex is pretty common, especially in men who use fantasy during sex. And since only four percent of men don’t fantasize, why not make yourself a park of what is going on in his hear? Try the softly, softly approach by whispering erotic ideas to him. It doesn’t have to be ‘porny’, just describe what he’s doing to you in a sensuous way. It’s arousing, and you get to be a bit vocal without scaring out of his moment.

More about the expert...

Suzi Godson

Author of The Sex Book, Suzi also acts as the sex and relationship expert at The Times.