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Q

I’m 26 and, although my boyfriend and I have a healthy sex life, I worry as my sexual fantasies focus on women rather than men. Even though I’ve never fancied a ‘real’ woman, I wonder whether I should be using my twenties to experiment?
Anonymous, London

A

Though there is probably an element of truth in Freud’s theory that fantasies and dreams are '"spyholes"' into the unconscious', thinking about sex with women doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex with women. The imagination is the one place a person can do whatever they like without having to worry about the consequences.

However, there is no doubt that contemporary porn has an influence on what we think about when we fantasise and, since most of it is made by men for men, girl-on-girl sex is rampant. If you really were a lesbian, you would almost certainly know by now, because the average age at which boys and girls identify themselves as straight or gay is around 13, although there is, undoubtedly, a broad spectrum. Lots of women have one or two same-sex experiences in their lifetime, but they don’t consider themselves to be lesbian, just curious. If you do decide to explore your Sapphic side, be prepared for the fact that the airbrushed sex that happens in your imagination may be distinctly more pedestrian translated into reality. And, if the idea of a sexual relationship with a woman persists in troubling you, try London Friend (londonfriend.org.uk).

This voluntary organisation offers counselling and support services to people who are unsure about their sexuality. Call the helpline on 020-7837 3337 between 7.30pm and 10pm daily or email your concerns to etalk@londonfriend.org.uk. A trained volunteer will read it and aim to reply within 48 hours.

More about the expert...

Suzi Godson

Author of The Sex Book, Suzi also acts as the sex and relationship expert at The Times.