twinkle
stranger
Reged: 12/03/2008
Posts: 1
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Hi everyone I'm just after some advice! I recently discovered by accident that my boyfriend of 2 years is registered with a dating agency and a sex site and has photos of other naked girls on his PC. I also believe he has been using facebook to meet girls. I don't believe that he has actually met or done anything with any of the girls but can only imagine what they have been saying to each other (when we started going out it was a long distance relationship and I know the sort of texts he is capable of!!). Should I carry on thinking this is talk only and means nothing or should I confront him about this? I have also recently nticed that he has added a code to his phone so it is possible there has been phone contact. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Kammy72
stranger
Reged: 01/08/2007
Posts: 16
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Hi Twinkle, well it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend, is it serious? I would be really upset, something similar happened to me but I'm married and I confronted him because I found him talking to girls about wanting sex on the internet, I was furious, I still am sometimes, but he assured me it was just talk!! But the best thing to do is just ask him and tell him you have seen pics and decide on where your relationship is heading. Its been two years now for me but it still bugs me and makes me feel vunerable and weak at times. You are lucky, in some sense cos you are dating, I have children and had to consider all the implications. If you love him, you may find it in your heart to forgive him, but if you cant then maybe you're not meant to be together.
Hope whatever you decide works out.
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Luella
stranger
Reged: 15/07/2008
Posts: 9
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A similar thing happened to someone I know (not married, no kids, rent their house) a few years ago and she confronted him and he promised it would stop. Anyway, every few months or so, she finds out something that makes her realise it hasnt stopped, he just got better at hiding it from her. If it was me i would have got fed up of all this nonsense long ago and would be with someone else (someone better) by now. This behaviour is pathetic and not appropriate for someone in a relationship, even if I really loved him, that would have put me off.
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dahlia
stranger
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 2
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As a married woman who has cheated on her husband with men I've met on the internet, I think I can say that your boyfriend's behaviour definitely shows signs that something is going on. If he's REGISTERED on dating sites, got pictures on his computer and a code on his mobile, you can be pretty sure that he's meeting other women or at least has the intention to do so. Believe me, it is rarely "just talk." There are free chat rooms to go to for talk; your boyfriend is registered on a site. Some of them cost up to £100 a month. Would you pay that much just to chat? What you have to ask yourself before you confront him is: if he is cheating on you, are you really ready to accept it? What will you do if it's true? If you really want the truth, demand that he hand over his mobile and let you read the texts. The same with any known email accounts (be sure to check messenger contacts as well). If he refuses for any reason, he's got something to hide. If you're not willing to do this and just mention what you know, he'll probably tell you it's nothing and promise to stop. And like the other poster said as well as in my own experience, it probably won't stop, he'll just get much better at hiding it. He'll buy a pay as you go phone and the photos will go onto a secret USB key - password protected of course. Letting him know you're suspicious without seeing it through will just give him the opportunity to hide or delete any evidence and create new email accounts. You are lucky in that he's still just a boyfriend. It's much more difficult when there are children involved. Ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want to be with. If he's doing this now, 2 years into a relationship, what will he be doing in 5 or 10 years? Good luck with whatever decision you take.
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