We love a bit of Facebook action, but some people love it a bit too much. Here are the five most annoying types of people who use Facebook
Launched in 2004, there are now 500 million people around the world who’ve signed up to Facebook – and half of them log into their profiles every day. And that’s despite the onslaught of (arguably) cooler, social media such as Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest.
So just who are the five annoying types of people who use Facebook? We’ve got our ideas… (recognise anyone?). Of course the MC team doesn’t feature in any of these!
Stand in the middle of a room full of people you know, grab a microphone and brag incessantly about your good news. You’d never do that, right? So why is it ok to do it on Facebook? Gloaters’ posts read something like this: ‘I’ve just signed a six-book deal! Lots of work ahead!’/ ‘Wow, Jessie’s made it into Oxford – all that studying was well worth it!’/ ‘Hmmm…flats or heels on board P Diddy’s yacht this weekend? Thoughts?’ Of course, Facebook allows all brags to be dressed up as ‘news’. Because it’s information we all need to know, right?
If Fear is king of the internet, then Superstition is his sidekick. You’ll know scare-mongerers – they’re the ones who use Facebook as the modern-day equivalent of a chain-letter. ‘This poor, skinny little donkey is kept tied on a piece of rope for 23 hours of the day in the burning sun. If you don’t share this post and sign this petition to release it, you may as well be kicking it. I know my true friends will sign – will you?’ Or maybe it’s the more chilling, ‘Cancer affects all of us. We have all lost someone to this dreadful disease. We say enough. Let’s stand up to cancer. Let’s show it who’s boss. Let’s rid the world of it once and for all. You can do this by pressing ‘Like’. If you don’t ‘like’ this page, well …do we need to spell out what will happen?’
The New Age Pollyannas
Life is a gift. Life is wonderful. Life is * (*insert your own platitude here). New Age Pollyannas can’t help themselves posting saccharine sayings on Facebook on an hourly basis. They’re so over-the-top cheery, they’d even make Oprah roll her eyes. It’s not that we don’t like a bit of positivity. Hell, we’re all about the glass half full. But Every. Single. Day? When we read: ‘It’s Monday – smile!’ or ‘A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet’ we can’t suppress our groans. Tip: if you finding yourself posting, ‘If you love your sister/friends/flatmate, click on ‘share’ and let them know’, may we suggest you just, you know, tell them?
The Party Animals
‘Yeah, well, I was at this amazing party in a disused swimming pool – oh, you didn’t go? Oh, no – poor you. The DJ was wearing trunks and I had on this one-piece and the strap kept falling, it was so embarrassing, but, well, I looked alright actually. Oh look, yeah, I do happen to have a picture. Look. Here are six, in fact. I love my hair in that one.’ Basically, Party Animals have to prove they’re having a way better time than you, all of the time. They use FB for invitations to social events (Definitely going? Declining? Maybe? Well, it’s always ‘maybe’, right? What if something better comes along?). Don’t hate them. It’s an illness. Life can only be lived online (if only everyone was tagged, they’d be much easier to recognise).
This Primark bag is about to take over your Instagram feed
Blake Lively had seven outfit changes in one day and handled it like the total pro she is
Thank God Barack and Michelle Obama are still here to make history
Maisie Williams just broke her silence on Sophie Turner’s engagement and it’s too much
The Emo Over-Sharers
You’ve been dumped by your long-term boyfriend. You’re distraught. Confused. You need some time with your thoughts. To regroup and decide what you really want out of life. But, before you do that, you go onto Facebook and tell all 327 of your ‘friends’ that all men suck. Cue everyone asking ‘why/what happened hun/r u ok?’ Then the dragged out conversation kicks in about what he said, how you responded, what your best friend’s experiences of break-ups is and so on. For Ever. Ever. Emotional over-sharers use FB as a dumping ground for their innermost thoughts – whether interesting or not (not). Like a therapist’s couch, but with 327 friends offering free advice. Unfortunately, their 50 minutes is never up.