Who knew so many mysteries could arise from one sixty second video?
0:05: Exactly which products did you ‘test’ in duty free to get your face so glowy and perfect? Can you quickly stop what you’re doing and write them down for us? Also, did the sales assistants come over and stand really, really, really close to you and watch while you applied them in the corner? Because, like, we hate it when that happens.
0:06: Where are the screaming children? Is this an advert for a plane that comes without screaming children? Because that sounds wonderful and in that case, we can probably stop watching now. Tick – we’re sold.
0:07: How did you get around the all-toiletries-must-be-carried-in-a-clear-plastic-bag-that-does-up-at-the-top rule? Does the all-toiletries-must-be-carried-in-a-clear-plastic-bag-that-does-up-at-the-top rule stop counting when you’re a celebrity? Or did you just bring this lovely blue bag as a spare?
0:08: Should, or should not, a loofah be considered a potential weapon? Asking for a friend.
0:09: Do flight attendants get to bring their own food on board?
0:16: Why shouldn’t Jennifer Aniston go to a bar in her dressing gown? She’s Jennifer Bloody Aniston! If Jennifer Bloody Aniston wants to wear her dressing gown to a bar, she shouldn’t feel silly. She should feel cool. STOP DRESSING-GOWN-SHAMING JENNIFER BLOODY ANISTON.
0:19: Right, who heats the towels? Is there a Millennial Intern lurking in the back, with the sole responsibility of microwaving flannels and then sitting on them to help retain their heat? How do you even apply for that role?
0:25: Where did the man eating crisps come from?
0:29: AND HOW DID THE CRISPS SUDDENLY METAMORPHOSE INTO A READY MEAL?
0:31: As a general rule, if a confused woman starts wandering around an aircraft in her underwear while clutching a large wooden stick, surely the best thing to do isn’t laugh at her? Very simple logic would suggest sitting her down and perhaps wrapping eight or nine of those microwaved flannels around her neck. And then confiscating the stick.
0:32: [On a side note, whoever directed this advert deserves a prize, if only for the shot of the loofah falling to the floor. It’s Academy Award winning stuff.]
0:31: When you become famous, does somebody come round to your house and teach you how to fall asleep with your hair swept out to one side? And do they do classes over Skype?
0:37: Do you usually look to your iPad for reassurance when you wake up after a nightmare, Jen?
0:43: And, er, do you usually head straight to the bar when you get out of bed?
0:46: Does the bartender realise that he’s going to be on the front cover of an American tabloid tomorrow, accused of singlehandedly breaking up Jennifer Aniston’s marriage and impregnating her with his smile?
0:56: Hold on, is Emirates suggesting that its bartenders can control a plane’s flight path? Because that isn’t actually the most reassuring thing in the world.