FaceStalking

Posted by Lucy Robinson at 17:11 on 10 Mar 2010

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Oh dear.

I am pining for my ex.

Badly.

Not long before we split up, we were talking about moving to Australia together. "Er, I'm still going," he said when he dumped me.

And until yesterday, I assumed that he was still there. This assumption was not based on actual knowledge; it was based solely on the fact that I can't yet deal with the possibility of his being back in London.

But today, I just suddenly thought: ‘He's back.'

I could feel it in my waters. I knew he was in London. I could almost smell his lovely laundry powder smell.

NO NO NO! NO LOVELY LAUNDRY SMELLS! NO LOVELY ANYTHING! HE BROKE YOUR HEART, YOU TOTAL KNOB, ROBINSON!

But, mentalist that I am, I decided to look him up on facebook. Perhaps there are clues to his current location in his profile picture, I thought.

And then one click later, there he was. The boy who broke my heart.

I stared at the picture for ages. I even said hello to it.

So. In his current profile picture he is lounging on a beach in sunglasses and he has an outrageous tan. His hair has been bleached lighter by the sun and he looks really happy and, well, very lovely and handsome. Just to compound matters, he's laughing out loud.  

I stared and stared and stared. I used to wake up next to you, I thought.


And then it started; all of the stuff that I'd been trying to avoid by not looking him up for a year. Who took that photo? Why were they standing so close to him? WHO IS SHE, WHO IS SHE? Is she thinner than me? How did she look in a bikini on the beach that day? I bet she is tiny. Size 8, tops. And I bet she is twenty times prettier than me. She's probably some laid back aussie who drinks beer and is always chilled out and has freckles on her nose. Oh God, maybe they got married on that beach??? Maybe she is carrying his child??? Maybe that's why he looks so happy?

ARRGGHHH! MAKE IT STOP!

This is why I detest facebook. It has taken breakups into an extraordinary new world of pain. How can one bloody photo send me off the rails like this? I'm meant to be fine! I'm meant to be long since over him!

When we split up I seriously considered committing facebook suicide just so I could avoid situations like this. But then I decided to just remove our mutual friends and ban myself from looking him up. And I stuck to it!

Until today.


Now I remember why that ban was such a good idea. Considering hitting myself on the head with a blunt object.

: (

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