Lucy Robinson is fantastic

Posted by Stephen at 09:48 on 3 Mar 2010

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The results of 'Experiment Two' are in as Stephen passes judgement on our very own Lucy Robinson...

'Lucy Robinson is fantastic. Let me get that clear from the off.

'Anyone who can coin the phrase 'anal terrorist' to describe someone who had the audacity to break wind feet from her face (not I) is alright by me.

'There's a plethora of good things I could say about Lucy and I will, but I know she would feel short changed if I didn't at least give her some food for thought, so I will try and 'pick a few holes' so to speak. Not easy though - because she's pretty darn cool.

'From the off, our rendezvous had a slightly different feel to your run-of-the-mill date. Being aware that I was to write about the evening gave it a bit of a sanitized feel; we knew that the chances of anything substantial coming of the night were slim, and that was before we even met.

'My first impressions of Lucy were she was well-dressed, funky and sexy - with impressive assets (I can hear the boos now...). She was cute, with attractive eyes and a nice smile. However, while she was undoubtedly attractive, I didn't feel that instant spark that suggests things could be really interesting, and I think Lucy would say the same about me.

'Once the business chat was out of the way, and she had mocked me for my choice of drink (I started with a vodka tonic with a dash of lime - aka a 'girl's drink') we got properly chatting. Or at least Lucy did. I was really interested in her ever so hectic life and dating disasters that I intentionally tried to keep her talking for as long as possible. Easily done as it turns out.

'I quickly learned that Lucy had a dazzling array of sound effects and voices, all of them a variation on the Honey Monster's distinctive timbre. I wasn't sure if this was a sign of nervousness, or if she was just intentionally trying to be unsexy. If it's the latter, mission accomplished (sorry Lucy!).

'We decamped from the first pub, an excessively noisy media hangout - my choice and fault entirely - before heading to a better boozer. By this point, I was having a ball. We were chatting without boundaries, comparing some teenage night club experiences and techniques amongst other things, which was an eye-opener. With the benefit of hindsight, I may have been a little too forthcoming and probing on sexual matters, but we were having such a laugh it didn't seem to matter. But if fingers are to be pointed, I hold my hands up.

'The conversation was flowing freely, and we were bantering with each other with thoroughly enjoyable results; I particularly enjoyed it when Lucy laughed - one of the best and dirtiest I've ever heard, and certainly worth an extra sexy point on its own. She was witty, full of interesting chat and, by this juncture in the evening, a great listener.

'Once we were booted out of that place, by a hunchbacked glass collector who Lucy wanted to take home and adopt, we wandered around the area arm-in-arm, looking for extra places where we could buy booze. We carried on getting steamed until the last tube - which I missed while Lucy didn't. Why I didn't follow her lead and run when they said 'one minute until the last train' I have no idea.

'To sum up - if I'm being really picky, Lucy could possibly listen more in the first half hour (although she knows that) and tone down the Honey Monster impressions, but besides that, I genuinely can't think of any bad things to say about her. She is sexy, interesting and laugh-out-loud funny. While there weren't enough fireworks of a sexual spark kind of nature - and there's nothing you can do about that - I can honestly say that by the end of the night I was a bit in love with her. She is properly ace, and someone will fall head over heels for her before too long, and he will be a lucky man; and I will be just a little bit jealous. Judging from her stories of previous dates, I reckon her only real problem is going out with some real clowns. Seeing Lucy again, and I blooming hope I do, would put a massive smile on my face - one of the coolest people I have met in a fair old while. Lucy, I salute thee.'

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