BINGO!

Posted by Lara Masters at 18:22 on 20 Dec 2009

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Here I am with Josie who helped look after me when I was a wee bairn and has never managed to shake me off. We are at the Bingo. This is where someone shouts out numbers, you mark them off of your card and in this environment you hope that your number is up because then you win money.  It's fun even if you lose because there are chips. And when we went this week it was £3 for a turkey dinner, glass of fizzy wine, chocolate-filled stocking and a one-man cabaret belting out My Way and That's Amore whilst running up and down the aisles serenading an audience of women who were mostly over 70 and could not have been less impressed.

Then it was "eyes down" and immediately the woman on the table next to us won whilst making sure she observed the Bingo etiquette of not smiling and wearing an expression of boredom mixed with irritation. Not long after, the group on the table behind us won whilst looking appropriately grumpy and despite Josie's theory that the luck was "getting nearer", it instead passed over us to the table in front where the woman there managed to get a full house and still suppress any notion of pleasure, even after two bottles of Chaumet.

It wasn't that I resented all this good fortune circumnavigating us, much. Josie had already informed me that she wasn't going to split her winnings with me anyway (even though I split my £20 win with her last time but whatever) - still, it seemed a little unfair when the four tables surrounding us got to look highly inconvenienced at having to carry home heavier purses whilst we sat with hopeful grins just waiting for the chance to look nonplussed and like we'd so much rather be at home watching The Antiques Road Show.

Near the end of the session, a couple of Lambruscos and a face-full of chocolate buttons helped Josie and I witness our neighbour win the "National" and collect her £5000 whilst looking like she was at a funeral where the canapés were soggy and the Guinness had run out.

As the victorious Bingoers solemnly made their way home, Josie and I left with a spring in our step (bounce in my wheels?) smug in the knowledge that - as we'd just seen - money can't buy you happiness.

But we're still going back in the new year in the hope that we'll leave with a face like a slapped ar$e too.  

P.S I do not endorse gambling. Although I do believe that sometimes you should take a risk in love. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all etc etc. However, it's true you only really appreciate the wisdom of that adage when you've got a new, hotter replacement.
 

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