Kabul chic

Posted by Lianne Gutcher at 08:22 on 9 Dec 2009

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Prior to coming to Kabul, I asked the foreign editor of my newspaper and an officer just back from Helmand for their advice on Afghan living.  Because their experience of this country is so very different from mine, and because they are both men, they were frankly no help at all. A pair of sturdy boots was fairly much the sum of it.

Here's what I should have known.

#1: A ball dress is essential

You may scoff. Many of us did. But an informal survey showed that this was the item most of us regretted overlooking.

As BF2 put it: "When I went to Mexico - my first time properly working overseas - I was at an old school friend's house lamenting only being able to take as much as I could fit into my suitcase. Her step mum asked if I had put a nice ball dress in. I smirked and paid no attention. Three months later, I had a ball invite and a jeans skirt was my only smart-ish option. I paid attention to her for every other trip."

Of course, if you work at the right place there are quick-fix solutions. As one Cinderella explained: "When I came to Kabul, I'd already spent time in Helmand so I packed for Helmand. I had to spend six weeks waiting for my air freight to arrive wearing combat trousers and desert boots around the embassy when everyone else came to work in fairly normal office attire. I had to have my ball gown, Jimmy Choos and Temperley jacket posted out to me in the Diplomatic Bag so I could go to the Embassy ball."

#2: It's not just about boots

I also packed light and like BF2 found myself within a week of arrival contemplating going to a party at the British Embassy in boyfriend jeans and a pair of Uggs.

A smarter friend had the nous to realise that she might want to be "practical yet stylish" so consulted a stylist chum in London about footwear. The response was: "Hon, you can blo*dy wear Crocs if you want. You're going to f*cking Afghanistan. No one will give a sh*t what's on your feet. Just make sure you bring condoms."

Anyway, my friend had no concept of how cold it could get in Afghanistan, so her "winter shoes" were black French Sole ballet flats which she wore in inches of snow. She did however manage to snag a husband on her sixth day in-country. I believe this is a direct result of her inappropriate shoes which left her looking a little bit delicate and helpless, flapping around in the snow. I am taking pictures of the happy couple to show my mother at Christmas: "Look! True love in Kabul!"

#3: Undergarments

"Lots of sturdy brassieres for the rollercoaster roads" was one little gem. Sound advice indeed but more applicable to some of us than others.

#4: Accessories: sunglasses, sleeping bags and skis

Ok, the headscarf is de rigueur. But there are other items to consider.

"I was put in contact with a guy who'd been here for two years," recalled Miss B. "He told me his girlfriend used to ‘freak out' because people 'just stared at her' so I should bring the biggest pair of sunglasses I could lay my hands on."

This is helpful up to a point. No Afghan woman wears sunglasses so they attract attention. But they are good to hide behind.

Now, this was the conversation between American Friend and her future boss, an English chap we will call Lawrence of Arabia (and lest there be any confusion, I am NOT referring to Rory Stewart), prior to her departure.

LoA: Bring a sleeping bag if you've got one.
AF: Right, for the winter - good thinking.
LoA: And for the house parties - so if you break curfew you can crash on the floor.  You might want to bring some chocolate and biscuits as well.
AF: Good to know, there's no chocolate in Kabul?
LoA: Well, there is but it's not very good - Cadbury's and the like.  I personally prefer Duchy Originals and always stock up when I go on leave. (She had no clue what he was talking about but assumed it was some sort of British reference and found it terribly charming.)

From another girl who arrived in Kabul in 2009: "The best bits of advice I got about what to bring also seemed most ridiculous at the time: a tennis racket and skis. Both seemed totally ludicrous: as far as I was aware, Kabul was not some summer country club-turned-ski resort in the winter. Both items stayed at home as I was convinced it was all a big joke at my expense.  The tennis racket came back after my first leave and the skis are coming back after Christmas."

(Tourist tip: you can ski just outside Kabul at the Salang Pass; sporty types seem confident the mines have been cleared.)

#5: Gadgets
BF2 was told specifically NOT to bring any type of, ahem, toys unless she wanted to be a criminal in Dubai for ever.  I have heard about embarrassing confiscation incidents at Dubai airport. I think this should serve as a stern warning - better we all spare our blushes.

So, party season is upon us and tickets for the British Embassy ball are in high demand. As a veteran of Kabul chic, my cocktail dress is at the ready. I shall also be taking a leaf out of French Sole-girl's book this year and ditching the Uggs for ballet flats. I feel a husband is well within my grasp this winter. 

(The snap, taken some time ago, was supposed to be in keeping with the sunglasses and ball gown theme. I think I may have been going for the Audrey Hepburn look when posing. But I realise now, perched on a hotel bed, I may look more like a visually-challenged hooker. High end, of course.)

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