To New Friends

Posted by Katy Regan at 22:22 on 24 Nov 2009

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It's been a year since I moved to Berko, and boy what a year it's been. Certainly the most stressful of my life so far (but then maybe I say that every year?!) I swear I've aged a decade. Never been so constantly stressed about work, never doubted my talents as much as I have these last twelve months. Egg and I have particularly found it tough: I think, in south London, we still had our pseudo family thing going on, if I'm honest. Cocooned on the same street, we didn't really know what it was like to be real single parents. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still not a proper single parent. I wouldn't be so disingenuous to say that and I'm sure proper single parents would tell me I don't know I'm born with my three nights off from Fergus a week and our occasional family outings and our co-parenting in every other way but living in the same house, and of course, our friendship.

However, I guess what with F starting school, we've also felt the  logistical difficulties that come with living separately for the first time and we've certainly put some distance between us - which has been necessary - looking after Fergus separately ninety per cent of the time, rather than spending weekends together, holidaying together and well, having dinner together three nights out of seven.

So, I guess I've felt more lonely than I have felt before, which is no bad thing,  more on my own in terms of disciplining Fergus and not having someone coming home at night.  But then I've also become aware of the fact that that's how life is for many married parents, in fact one recent friend I've made is at home on her own every night of the week, because her husband works nights, so she never even sees him!

That brings me onto friends, new people - a definite, huge positive of this last year.

On Sunday, in a truly post-modern kind of a way, Egg, Fergus and I went round to Matt Black's for Sunday lunch. Now, if you had told me a year ago that I'd have a relationship full-stop, let alone with a lovely, highly-fanciable man I'd have laughed in your face! (Let's face it., after a decade single, stretch-marks,  a baby, stress-related eczema and a massive confidence crisis to contend with , I'd convinced myself I'd be never desired again! ) Well I was wrong, and whilst that didn't work out in the long-term I made a very special friend. Not only that, Egg made a friend. Not only can my father of child and I go round to my ex's for Sunday lunch and it be cool -  more than cool in fact -  Matt Black and Egg also go for beers.

Through Matt Black I have also made lots of new friends, plus mums from school and other writerly types. I'm having a Christmas Party this year, I feel I need a party after the yerar I've had. Having designed my invite for me, I just emailed MB to check I hadn't forgotten anyone before I sent them out on email.

I think I've got everyone, I wrote, must email Jane, must email Cathie, must email Chris and the other Chris from the pub. Must email Charlie who delivers my free Ok! magazines...(that's nice people in the provinces for you), have I forgotten anyone?

 I think I must have at least fifteen local people I can invite to my party, it should be a blast. . And there I was, this time last year, wandering along the canal with Fergus in tow , not knowing a soul and worrying whether I'd ever feel at home here, whether I'd ever meet new friends. What a difference a year makes.  

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