Lara's Liam Love-in

Posted by Lara Masters at 12:36 on 18 Oct 2009

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Lara's Liam Love-in; Lara Meets Liam Gallagher and Forgets Horrible Toffee Episode

Been a bit on the down-looooooooooooow side this week. But, WHY?! I hear you ask... Why low, Lara? Life is but a big box of chocolates from which to pluck delicious nuggets of experience and if you happen upon a coffee /toffee one you simply spit it out, huh? (Whilst being careful not to hock it back into the box risking a repeat of the unhappy munching.) And yes, I'm totally down with the Big Box Theory; I thought it up myself as is the custom amongst power wheelchair users to come up with lofty ideas to explain the riddle of our existence. It's perhaps a simpler thesis than those of Mr Hawking's but much more palatable. Boom boom. Or, Big Bang even.

So, when I sucked on a previously chewed toffee this week, all the hours of Big Box Theory building flashed before me and I was like; "Lara! You chewed that toffee and you spat it back and you have no one else to blame but yourself for being again embroiled in this jaw-jamming nonsense. Granted, that toffee looked good the first time you put it in your mouth, it was beguilingly chocolate-coated but a couple of chews later and you knew it was no scrumptious praline so you got rid. Then, you picked up that sticky mess AGAIN and quite knowingly popped it into your cakehole! No amount of hopeful masticating will turn that super-glue-esque excuse for a sweet into a hazelnut swirl and you know it young lady!"

I was totally right to tell myself I was totally wrong and once more, I spat the darned toffee out - this time a good distance from the box - and I've been trying to get the bad taste out of my mouth ever since. 

A quite effective palate-cleanser was this Liam sandwich I found myself in at a swanky London bar. Or, technically, are we all in a Lara sandwich? Clearly, I am sandwiched between the two Liams but as I'm the filling, surely the sandwich must be named after me?

Anyway, Liam Gallagher asked me if I liked his faux-leopard footwear. I was wearing a leopard print top so we were both on a leopard tip for sure but I didn't like his shoes, they looked like slippers. He said they were "moccasins" by Yves Saint Laurent. I said they were a bit poncey. He threatened to let down my tires. I said; "They're solid rubber but I'd like to see you try."

At which point he backed down, crouched on the floor (so as to be at my eye-level - such a vote-winner for me) and asked me all about my life and we swapped stories and discussed the difficulties of lyric writing. Then we showed each other our one prized tattoo and discussed its genesis, the level of pain etc when Liam Howlett (from The Prodigy) butted in and got out his very many tats and rather stole the tattoo limelight. And that's how I ended up in this Liam/Lara sandwich which was a very lot more tasty than that toffee that repeated on me.

And the moral of this tale? "Why make the same mistake twice? There are plenty of others to choose from". Plus Liams, even those of the leopard-slipper wearing Gallagher nature, can charm the spots off you.


 

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