Courting Kabul-style

Posted by Lianne Gutcher at 18:14 on 11 Oct 2009

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Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Custom has it that at this juncture boy asks girl out on date.

In Kabul, the dating ritual has its own special nuances.

Venue:
There are a total of eight date-possible restaurant/bars in Kabul. Actually make that seven. The Serena (Kabul's only five-star hotel) is dry and you need recourse to something stronger than pomegranate juice in the case things go very badly.

None of the venues can be guaranteed not to give you food poisoning. At least one friend has had to cut a date short because of crippling stomach cramps.

No matter where you go, you will always bump into some you know, thereby fuelling the Kabul gossip mill.

For the diplomats among us there is the added disadvantage that your Close Protection has to come too. ("There were three of us in this relationship...")

Dress:
Normally, in the civilized world you Make A Bit of An Effort. Heels and skirt, perhaps? Forget it.  Heels are out. Sidewalks don't exist and the rough terrain ruins all nice shoes immediately.

A cautionary tale: I fell into a ditch at a smart Jalalabad wedding, losing the heel of a very nice and, might I add, quite expensive pair of shoes. The boots I had arrived in went AWOL, leaving me with the prospect of embarking on an embed on the Af-Pak border in the depths of winter in a borrowed pair of sparkly gold flip-flops.

Hostile environment courses also tell you to wear flats ALWAYS just in case you come under attack and have to make a run for it. I was appalled to find on returning home on vacation that I had lost the muscle tone needed to walk in stilettos. It was a sad, sad moment. So, no leg lengthening and pelvis thrusting for you, missy.

Skirts are out. Well, short skirts are out as are tight jeans and bare skin. Long skirts are OK but you run the risk of looking like an extra on Little House on the Prairie. Not a particularly alluring look for a grown woman. Basically, you end up in something that has the shape and appeal of a flour-sack. T and A takes on a whole new meaning in Afghanistan:  toes and ankles. On the upside, the flash of a wrist can send a man into a swoon.

If things go well:
You share a taxi home but here's the thing: in normal dating environments, you have the option of a chaste kiss on the doorstep. But in Kabul there can be no physical contact on the street. So the good night kiss must be conducted behind the gates of the compound. To get in to the compound you must run the gauntlet of Afghan guards. Oh, the looks. Once a girl has invited a chap in or, indeed, he has invited himself in, it's not always easy to get rid of him, potentially making things Very Awkward.

If things go really well:
The consensus is you've not done the walk of shame until you've done it in a conservative Muslim country.

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