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Love and war

Posted by Lianne Gutcher at 16:11 on 15 Sep 2009

Lianne Gutcher - Blogs - Marie Claire

I've just got off the phone with my mother. We had another conversation in which she hints that it might be time for me to leave Kabul and return to the civilized world.  I've been here two years and I like Kabul. I like my job, the people, the country and, well, the adventure. Bombs do go off here from time to time - but it's not Helmand or Kandahar.

But its not the bombs that my mother is really worried about. Nor the  rockets or kidnappings.
No. She is worried I won't find a suitable husband if I stay here much longer. At 32, I suspect she thinks I'm getting past it. You would think I and my other single girlfriends - late twenty somethings/early thirty somethings – would be on to a good thing living here. The ratio of men to women is reckoned to be about 20 to one.

But as we are fond of quipping when one of us has had a particularly bad date: "the odds are good but the goods are odd." (The men, by the way, are similarly rude about us. "Is she hot?" one fellow might enquire of his friend. "Well," he might reply. "She's Kabul pretty." Meaning that while she is considered attractive in Kabul outside in the "real world" where the ratio of men to women roughly is equal, he probably wouldn't give her a second look.)

The trouble is the type of men that Kabul attracts: war correspondents, NGO warriors, spies, adventurers and thrill seekers. Basically, alpha-male heartbreakers and committment-phobes.

Inspired by his friend in London who runs The Great Date Guide, a friend here is proposing to set up a dating website for Kabul expats. I phone him up to ask him if he is serious. "Are you interested? Would you sign up?" he demands to know.

I am going to have to call back my mother. She'll have my profile posted in a heartbeat.

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Lianne Gutcher is described by my friends as the "hot librarian" in Kabul. I think she is better than Kabul pretty, if her infectious smile couldn't win you over in the real world for another look then there must be something wrong.

She is definitely my favourite person to see at L'atmo, always the one to bum just one cigarette because she is trying to "quit".

Sure men are like she describes but so are the women but yes, sometimes love does exist. And it is more than just in Afghanistan.

After two major break ups in Afghanistan with women with commitment issues, I am taking my adventure to Mogadishu, Somalia. There is no scene there, just guns, mortars and a bit of kidnapping to keep me on my toes.

When I come back to pack my stuff, I should do you a better profile pic, you are going to be on Marie Claire Magazine. :)
Comment by Jake Simkin on September 16 17:40

Just keep working your way through what Kabul has to offer - you might even find someone as perfect as yourself
Comment by kabuljohn on September 17 09:14

Lianne,
your mother is probably right. It might be time for you to look for a partner in the civilized world. The alternative is to become an aging International Junky. However, for the time being I am more than happy to know you in the team you are currently working with.
Best regards from Germany
Richard
Comment by Richard Welter on September 17 09:24

So you get to sleep around and then complain about the slim pickings? For shame
Comment by Freddy on September 19 05:26

Lianne,
I think your mother should know that in addition to the thrillseekers, etc., there are lot of very successful, intelligent guys you could reel in while enjoying that 20:1 ratio. I've met lot of single or divorced (we won't talk about the married ones, will we?) men who are in Kabul because they have some expertise that they believe can make Afghanistan better. Some of them even play guitar and cook. Isn't that the kind of guy to bring home to meet your mum?
Comment by Erik in Kabul on September 20 19:42

Leanne,

You hit the nail on the head. Ive been here 3 years and all my romantic triumphs have either been imported [short term] or i have had to go 'off shore' to find them.

Finding love in Kabul is like trying to find street food in the month of Ramazan......

The other option is to pursue the Afghan female population. But after visiting the local prison recently and talking to two Australians on trial for 'infidelity with Afghan women' [separate cases], I came to the conclusion that it just aint worth it.

10 years in an Afghan jail for one night of passion. Nah. Ive thrown in the towel. Im converting to Islam.



Comment by travis beard on September 21 07:04


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