Lara in BJ Shocker

Posted by Lara Masters at 09:05 on 6 Jul 2009

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Here I am cavorting with London’s Mayor, Boris Johnson. I realise my blog has become like Heat magazine of late what with me posing with a slurry of celebs like some sort of star slut. And perhaps that’s exactly what I am. Counselling should sort that out.

Anyway, I was hanging with BJ because he’s supporting this project that I’m involved with. The UK’s most stylish designer couple Wayne and Gerardine Hemingway have created a “pop-up shop” with support from the London Sustainable Development Commission. KiosKiosk is an environmentally friendly, aesthetically alluring portable retail outlet which is stationed outside City Hall for the next two months and will be home to an array of London’s finest emerging design talent (including moi.) It’s an initiative to help stimulate small creative businesses which are unable to afford renting space in prime retail locations particularly during this “economic downturn”.

So, Monsieur Johnson was bigging up the KiosKiosk at the launch and as he turned to go back to his office, just feet away, I ran smack bang into him. Eyeball to eyeball, I noticed he was uncharacteristically jittery. I would even go as far as saying flustered. I might have put this down to my beauty and charm - disarming for any red-blooded male I’m sure – or perhaps the pain from his now slightly crushed toes, but actually, he had been accosted minutes earlier by a man in an electric wheelchair who harangued him about how inaccessible much of London transport still is for wheelchairs.

I, on the other hand, just tried to get him to buy a hat from me when I’m at the KiosKiosk (a mini topper would be perfect for that boyish fop I thought) and then I was thoroughly distracted by his interest in what my disability was, exactly. That's usually a third date question. And uncharacteristically direct for a politician.

Afterwards, I kicked myself (metaphorically speaking) for not hand-cuffing him to me and dragging him round London wheelchair-class. At the very least I should have hassled The Big B about why he’s not penalising folks for using Blue Badges fraudulently.

I can only apologise to all disabled people for my apathetic politicism and for wasting an opportune moment to influence the Mayor of London to make some sorely needed changes. There’s no excuse for it. Yes, that white blonde shock of hair is mesmerising but I can’t confidently say it has the power to make onlookers temporarily completely abandon all their principles. Oh I don't know.  I'm a shocking example of a disabled person and should have my disabled person’s licence suspended for gross misconduct.

If it’s any consolation, I promise that when I’m at the KiosKiosk I will keep a beady eye on the doors of City Hall and if the Mayor should step out I shall be on him, handcuffs at the ready and sporting sunglasses to ward against that beguilingly luminous syrup of his.

Check KiosKiosk to see which designers are selling on which day. I’ll be there with my millinery wares and cheeky accessories Kiss My Cherry on Saturdays July 18, August 1 and August 22. Anyone who mentions my Marie Claire blog will get 10% discount plus a smacker from me (for my international readers, "smacker" is a colloquial term for a kiss; rest assured I shall not be beating anyone up in thanks for their purchase.)

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