Lara Looking for the Light

Posted by Lara Masters at 14:44 on 30 Jun 2009

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I have been such a naughty, errant blogger. Those who know me know when I'm not blabbing on about myself, something’s up. Perhaps this picture of me with Lawrence Dallaglio and Salman Rushdie is somewhat representative of the randomness that makes up my seemingly haphazard, shape-shifting life at the moment. Or maybe it just demonstrates that I have a blatant disregard for the “no photos” rule at the Ivy and for the privacy of celebs who are trying to enjoy a night out without being harassed.

Anyhoo, I’ve started going to counselling in the hope of bringing form and solidity to the feelings and ideas of how I feel my life should be which is a vastly different land to the one I inhabit currently. I’ve felt this vapid discontent and lack of fulfilment for time (that’s street for “quite a while") but have resisted the idea of counselling despite the fact that when I was 20 and hit a terrible period of despair in my life (after the realisation that my condition was untreatable), psychotherapy did help pull me back from the brink. That, plus a brief sojourn into Valium, a robust dose of Prozac and a 3-month stint in a psychiatric clinic sorted me right out; I quickly came off the drugs but continued with the counselling and saw the light filter through to the end of the tunnel.

My new counsellor asked me what I wanted a get out of our sessions and I said I wanted to learn good boundaries (how to tell people to f$$k off), to find my life’s “purpose” (stop watching romcoms) and to build healthy self-esteem (learn to love Angelina Jolie.)

She asked me how long I thought these changes would take? I said two months. She seemed surprised but I didn't back down; it was already working - a boundary! I said I expected noticeable changes within this time or I was outta there. She’s probably dusting off the old Jungian textbooks right now.

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