Life has basically gone Pete Tong

Posted by Katy Regan at 14:44 on 2 Jun 2009

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You may have noticed I haven’t blogged for a while (although in my current state of self-confidence crisis and general malaise, you probably haven’t. Oh! There she goes again. It’s all over….) No, really this time I’m worried that it is.  

Life has basically gone Pete Tong over the last few weeks. I’ve been keeping it at bay rather unsuccessfully for the past few months, but last week, it came to a head, in the middle of Lancaster city centre, when I experienced what I can only say felt like a sort of mini nervous breakdown / pre-nervous breakdown???!  (God, I must have had so many of those in the last nine months since starting this book, I reckon it’s surely time for the biggie at some point).

It’s pretty much all about Book 2. I won’t go into detail (although obviously, it’s all I can do not to, you know me!  Poor Matt Black deserves an acknowledgement if only for Psychiatric Services he has listened to me so much over the last few weeks about this Godforsaken book. He must be feeling like he wrote the bloody thing. In fact, could he? Would he? Will someone?! High reward on offer! ) He is such a sweetheart.   

Anyway, ahem, clearly that can’t happen, but I wish it could. Obviously, at some point, a second book, will, WILL find itself onto your shelves so you don’t need to know the ins and outs/visits to the Priory/mental breakdowns involved in getting there, I’m sure…but suffice to say, if it does ever get done, I shall not be having a party to celebrate, but a funeral wake. I am going to bury it.   

I am sort of at loss-of-sense-of-humour-failure stage, so please forgive me if this blog is rather turgid, but just as a sort of cathartic exercise, I thought I’d share with you reasons I know I am very stressed:

Can’t sleep

Sweaty palms

Palpitations

Keep buying food then throwing it away because I can’t get it together to cook anything.

Haven’t opened post for a fortnight and when I did, I had a court summons for a speeding fine I got six months ago. It’s ok, I have paid the fine..

Never empty dishwasher. Or load it for that matter.

Have grey roots.

Feel generally rubbish.

Had mini-nervous breakdown in the middle of Lancaster city centre (I was at home visiting parents) which involved me pacing the streets for an hour, laptop on back, wondering if it might all just be better if I ‘lost’ my computer in the river Ribble. It’s ok, I came back from the brink….

I don’t know what the answer is. Valium, possibly. I’m sure it will all come right in the end – one must suffer for one’s art and all that - but I thought I’d better finally come clean as to where I am right now. I’ve never been much good at pretending everything’s alright and as I’ve always said, it kind of helps to be able to tell the truth in this blog. Life is full of peaks and troughs, as my good friend Mika and I always joke and this is most certainly a kind of pig-swill-filled trough. Well you don’t get troughs without a peak at the other side, right?

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