The merits of B&Q

Posted by Katy Regan at 15:08 on 19 May 2008

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In a bid to start the ball rolling on the moving-house front I am having my flat decorated. (Don't ask me where I am moving to because I still haven't a clue. Seem to have gone off the boil on the Witney front, but am not going to say anything either way because the rate at which I change my mind is frankly, alarming. There's been Suffolk, Oxford, Ham and Harpenden this week...)

Anyway, I've been staying at Egg's house for three nights in Fergus's room whilst Fergus sleeps with his dad in his bed.

I am rather pleased with myself that I have managed to organise a decorator/buy everything from B&Q and prepare the flat for decorating. That may sound pathetic to I-don't-need-a-man-for-anything types out there, but if you really knew how generally disabled I am at all things other than basically writing, childcare (only because he's my own and even then this is debatable) and socialising, then you would understand what a challenge this was. And that's not because I am a woman, it is just an unfortunate chromosomal blip, or that's my excuse…

To give you an idea, I had invited my sister and her boyfriend round for dinner on Friday night, until I realised that a) the paint would not be dry by then b) all the furniture would be covered and in the middle of the room c) the fridge would be in my bedroom and the cooker covered in plastic sheeting. Apart from that it would have been a triumph!

I have had much to learn but hey, am loving B&Q and reckon it's the new pulling joint.

Reasons I believe this to be true are:

a) Loads of men there. Obviously.

b) They are always playing some sort of power ballad compilation in there - not to everyone's taste but clearly it sets the mood for lurrrve...

c) The potential for sexual innuendos is vast. 'I need to varnish my table, how do you oil your hard wood?' 'Do you know where I can get some masking tape and a good screw?'

I tried that out on a bloke standing at the self-service check-out.

Only kidding! It was all I could do to mutter something lame about how difficult it was to use… He had nice hair though. If he's anything like me and decorating his house too, then maybe he'll be there tomorrow. I seem to live there at the moment.

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