Singles walking

Posted by Katy Regan at 13:24 on 4 Mar 2008

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Ok, before I start, are you comfortable? Because this is going to be long.

I went on the singles walk on Saturday. You know the actual 'walk for single people' I was telling you about? (which made you all snigger into your keyboards no doubt). Well it turns out that was probably for a good reason.

This was the second singles event I have attended as part of my 2008 'Project Boyfriend'. The first being the singles cookery course. Before you ask, no, this is not becoming my actual social life. Honest.)

I don't really know what myself and my friend Laura expected as we boarded the train from London to Burford in the Cotswolds where the walk was to begin: Possibly a couple of firm-of-thigh outdoor pursuit types with nicely weathered faces and bright smiles, inevitably a few balding forty-somethings with nervous ticks.

There were neither of the former and lots and lots of the latter but if this event taught me one thing, it's that whenever and however you throw lots of single people together, it will always, always smack slightly of desperation. (Speed dating is perhaps the exception to this rule because people who go speed dating are wise enough to only put aside one evening of their time and three minutes per person - not so much of a commitment.)

For a start, the surroundings were achingly beautiful, that's enough to set any normal single person off: all those rustic B&Bs you could stay in if only you had someone to stay in them with, all those quaint English pubs where you could while away the hours getting sloshed and snogging, all those rambling hills to frolick and fumble in. Ok, I'm joking (a bit) but before we'd even started there was a feeling of what we really should be doing here at the 'Gateway to the Cotswolds' - something other than what we were actually doing that's for sure.

I know, I know, the gorgeous countryside thing is all part of the 'single event' experience in that it is the ideal place for romance to flourish, no? Er no, not in this case. I do hate to dismiss people or things on first impressions but you just know, don't you? I don't care what anyone says. You just know if there's going to be any potential within about one minute of meeting people. And there was not. Still, I was here now.

We met by the medieval bridge in Burford to be told that the pub the host had booked us in for a pub lunch had not actually booked us in after all and we would have to have our lunch before the walk rather than midway through. (Laura was outraged by this concept. 'But I want to earn my food!' she protested).

Because of this, we had 20 minutes of free time before lunch (it was already starting to feel a bit like a school trip for the special needs set). Within about 10 seconds one woman, with all the signs of anxiety disorder (thinning hair, profuse, nervous sweating whenever she talked to anyone and later on, it was found, a tendency to cradle a large glass of Pinot Grigio as if her life depended on it) had attached herself to her male counterpart and they were seen perched on a bench overlooking the rolling green hills, practically at the holding hands stage. By the time we sat down to lunch she was already proudly announcing that he was buying her drinks for her!

There were a couple of other fast-flourishing unions during the day and good for them I say, that's what singles events are all about after all. But if they are, then I'm just not sure they're for me. There's just no way I could strike up a rapport that quickly, it was a bit like day one at university, everyone so desperate to be liked and make friends that you're over-sharing by the time your parents have got in the car and blood sisters by night one of fresher's week.

Lunchtime was revealing. I will give you a quick run around the table:
Me
Laura
Bubbly estate agent with motif T-shirt and extremely honed social skills.
Woman of nervous disposition who's already copped off (one).
Balding men of nervous disposition who would give their right arm to cop off (seven at least).
Man who says absolutely nothing for the whole day (two).
Australian version of Ruby Wax. She'd found a bloke a couple of months previously and so spent the entire day laughing with abandon, telling us how 'amaaaaazing' he was and cooking up plans to get her money back from the singles skiing holiday she'd booked four months ago.
Bolshy Canadian trainee barrister and SJP lookalike who spent whole day 'totally pissed' at the fact the trainer was a 'fucking moron' who couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery and had clearly not carried out quality control.
Two misery-guts girls in matching North Face jackets who might get a boyfriend if they smiled. Like, ever.
Lovely, gentle beanpole-type from New Zealand with whom I had a very pleasant conversation about films and the perils of London.
Solicitor from Oxford (he seemed nice until Laura overheard him telling a girl with very violent lipstick that he had been married once for a year but that it wasn't his fault it failed because 'she wanted to marry him' ).
Nice guy from Oxford who I didn't fancy but extracted a lot of information about property from. This day cost £30 after all.

It turned out that many of them were seasoned 'single eventers' - they'd done weeks away, other single hikes, cookery courses, speed dating nights galore. Laura and I raised our eyebrows at this but then it occured to me that we've already done a singles cookery course and now this, one more and we will be pretty seasoned ourselves. Oh deary me.

Bubbly-estate-agent-in-motif-top made me laugh when she told me she'd been horrified by a speed dating night she'd been on because she asked one guy how long he'd been single and he said: 'All my life. And now my mother's died I'm really alone.' We bonded in our horror stories.

The walk itself was glorious - big blue sky, sun up high, rolling hills and miles and miles of fields. Arsey Canadian kicked up a bit of a fuss when the walk was cut short and we didn't get to go to this village close by, but to be honest I am glad I went, just for the scenery. I also found that even though I didn't fancy anyone or strike up a rapport, I do love meeting new people who aren't like all my friends or colleagues - it keeps life interesting.

I think Laura was less convinced! Vowing never to set foot in such a situation ever again! But you never know, I might sign up to something else. What next? Baby-making for singles? Oh, I'm already top of the class at that one.

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