What it feels like… To come too soon

Jessica Powell

A female account of how it really feels to come prematurely...

On the sofa, two minutes into sex, me on top of him, and there it was that telltale pulsing sensation. Then, boom Id orgasmed. Did that just happen? Already? my husband asked. There hadnt even been any foreplay and already I was done. A familiar guilt crept in.

Men who ejaculate prematurely get a bad rap, and I can sympathise. I always come before my husband, and nine times out of ten its way before. In fact, I only last about five minutes, whereas he takes more like 20. My friends think Im lucky, and I know what they mean, but sometimes Id really like to be able to last longer. After all, I enjoy being intimate with him, and coming too fast often makes me feel like Ive ruined the moment. Unlike a man who can't carry on after coming because he goes soft, technically I can, but we have to use lube or change position, otherwise the stimulation can be too much for me. And once Ive come, its difficult for me to stay aroused. (Im a one and done girl I dont often have multiples.) so that 15-minute wait for him to orgasm can feel like forever.

To speed him up, Ill pinch his nipples or talk dirty. Occasionally, I find myself thinking, Am I doing something wrong? Isnt he attracted to me? and sometimes well just stop because he can tell that Im not feeling it. Ill give him a hand- or blow-job, or let him know its OK to use a Fleshlight. My speed doesnt seem to bother him; hes glad I can get off so fast. Hell prance around the house for a good hour afterwards, feeling rather proud of himself.

While theres this idea women want a man who can last forever, I sometimes think itd be nice if mine came within two minutes, too, so Id be sure we were both satisfied. I get so aroused during foreplay that we only ever do it when weve been drinking, because alcohol dulls the sensation a little. He likes foreplay but doesnt need it, as such, though I do focus on him more than myself (blow-jobs, bob-jobs, spankings) anything that will stimulate him so well come closer in time when we do have sex.

Ive tried everything to delay coming, from shifting position to thinking about a dog that died. I wont do that again. Ive also tried to pretend that I havent orgasmed when I have. It doesnt work he can feel the contractions. Im actually glad of this. After all, part of the intimacy of sex is how vulnerable you are when you orgasm and lose control of your body. Films and TV reinforce the idea that couples should come together, which isnt real life. My husband says, I dont care if you finish first, just let go. Being able to orgasm without a struggle is liberating, and I allow myself to have the good time I should. When we first got together, he always came first and it took me around 40 minutes. It wasnt until I became comfortable with him not sucking in my stomach or worrying about how I looked that the tables turned. Women are taught to focus on a mans pleasure, but once I started focusing on mine, the orgasm came.  I remember the first time I orgasmed quickly, about six months in, and he asked, Was I doing something different? I said, No I was.

Now my body is so tuned into getting aroused, theres no stopping it. If I want a quick release, I can masturbate and come within minutes. We have sex more often now, as all it takes is my husband to come up behind me, push my hair aside and kiss my neck to get me excited,because I know Im going to come. Thats a powerful feeling.



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