'He’s the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to'Ricky Gervais promised his return to the Golden Globes would be as naughty as the last time he stepped up to the podium in 2012 and offended most of the Hollywood elite. 'Do I pander to 200 fragile egos in the room or 200 million people watching at home?’ he said.
Ahead of the show the comedian had hinted at a few of his planned celebrity targets for Sunday night's ceremony when he tweeted ‘Mel Gibson is presenting an award at the Golden Globes. Thank you, Jesus’ and also suggested Donald Trump would be ripe for a ribbing. ‘Trump might get a mention’ he said, ‘he’s put his head in a basket. I think he’s volunteered for that, you know? You can joke about anyone’s wilful behaviour. I don’t really joke about things that people can’t help.’
And when the time came he really didn't hold back - though as it happened Trump got off quite lightly. Here's a few of his most potent jokes from the night:
1) When he opened with this:
[Referring to Sean Penn's recent El Chapo incident] 'I’m going to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me… snitch.'
2) When he took down the hosts
'The Golden Globes doesn't have an In Memoriam section to get you all depressed. Instead we let the president of HFPA say a few words.'
3) Along with Jennifer Lawrence
'Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood. She received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying, ‘How the hell can a 25-year-old live on $52 million?!'
4) When he referenced Caitlyn Jenner's car accident
'I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed — not as much as Bruce Jenner. Obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she’s had! She became a role model for trans-people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers. But you can’t have everything, can ya? Not at the same time.'
5) When he joked about Brad and Angie's adoptions
'When Brad and Angelina see Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong they're gonna want to adopt them.'
6) When he was just downright crude
'The president of the Hollywood Foreign Press said if I say anything offensive, or crass, or resort to innuendo, he’s going to personally come out here and ‘pull me off.’ So that’s an offer I couldn’t refuse. Yes, yes, that is the level — an old man pulling me off. Again. At least Jeffrey Tambor did it in a dress.'
7) When he really went there with (deep breath) this:
'The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. Yeah. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it it exposes that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it ‘the best date movie ever.'
8) When he used a Matt Damon introduction to reference Ben Affleck's marriage problems
[Introducing Matt Damon] “He’s the only person Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.” AWKWARD
9) But this was the moment we really hid behind our hands:
Introducing Mel Gibson, Gervais said 'I’m in the awkward position of having to introduce him again. Listen, I’m sure it’s embarrassing for both of us. I blame NBC for this terrible situation. Mel blames…we know who Mel blames. Listen, I still feel a bit bad for it. Mel’s forgotten all about it apparently, that’s what drinking does. I want to say something nice about Mel before he comes out. So: I’d rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby.' After Mel had come on stage, Ricky asked him a question which was bleeped out by NBC. 'What the f*ck does ‘sugar t*ts’ even mean?’ Mel is alleged to have said this to a police officer while being arrested for DUI.
AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD.
Just in case you needed a little reminder of Ricky's previous jokes, here's a few which got him into trouble previously...
1) When he made a thinly veiled reference to a VERY famous Hollywood star
'Also not nominated, I Love You Phillip Morris. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.'
2) When he took a swipe at Angelina Jolie
'Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they are loved the world over. You could be in the third world and get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it could make you feel a little bit better. You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money, but you could see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you’d think, ‘Mummy!'
3) When he slagged off The Tourist
'Everything this year was three-dimensional, except the characters in The Tourist. I feel bad about that joke. I'm jumping on the bandwagon, because I haven't even seen that movie. Who has?'
4) When he was rude about Kim Kardashian
'For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing’s been proved.’
5) …Then was rude about her again (and James Cameron)
‘What’s with all the divorces? What’s going on? Arnold and Maria, J-Lo and Mark Anthony, Ashton and Demi. Kim Kardashian and some guy no-one will remember. He wasn’t around long. 72 days. A marriage that lasted 72 days. I’ve sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches.’
6) When he had a go at Hollywood’s cosmetic surgery habit
‘Looking at all the wonderful faces here today reminds me of great work that’s been done this year… by cosmetic surgeons.’
7) When he made fun of Tim Allen
‘What can I say about our next two presenters? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5 billion at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for this powerful and varied performances starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. The other is Tim Allen.’
8) When he joked about the airbrushing of Sex And The City 2
‘There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated. Nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globes for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed the poster.’
9) When he took a swipe at the whole room
‘She made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.’
10) When even Helen Mirren didn’t escape
[On the movie Bridesmaids] ‘Farting, burping, cursing, performing wild sex acts, even pooping in the sink. I heard for research they spent the weekend with Dame Helen Mirren.’
11) When he even took down the Hollywood Foreign Press Association
‘[On Boardwalk Empire] It’s about a load of immigrants who came to America about a 100 years ago and they got involved in bribery and corruption and worked their way up into high society. But enough about the Hollywood Foreign Press.’
12) When he referenced Paul McCartney’s divorce
‘Paul McCartney is here… he’s saving money, he spent an awful lot last year.’
13) When he introduced Robert Downey Jr like this…
‘Many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail’